This past week my brother-in-law moved in with us from Texas and it has me thinking of when we first moved here. I had so many things changing in my life it was a fun, exciting, and scary season of life for me. First of all, I had never lived more than 15 minutes away from my family. So, moving 16 hours away from all my family and friends was a little unnerving. It was not an easy decision to make. Kyle and I had long talks about it, I had prayed about the decision everyday for months, so In the end I knew we are making the right decision but I was so uncertain about what the future held it was scary to be honest.
Although Kyle and I had been dating for 8 years, we were still newlyweds and still adjusting to married life so, such a big decision was kind of crazy! We celebrated our 1 year anniversary a month after moving to Colorado.
Kyle had lived away from home in college for years so he knew what to expect and warned me of the following: first month you’ll be too excited and involved in stuff to miss home much then second month it’ll start to get harder and the first time you come back from visiting Dallas will be tough but after 6 months to a year it’ll feel like home and you’ll be ok. We went back to Dallas several times that first year for weddings, funerals, and holidays, being able to do so helped the transition actually but he was right first time was tough.
We enjoyed Colorado living, our local wineries, hiking, visiting little mountain towns and I was looking forward to skiing that winter.
Then early January I got pregnant, so I never got to ski that year, darn! We decided we were ready to start a family but were surprised how quickly it happened for us. We know how blessed we are for that but were a little shocked in the moment like “oh wow ok, this is happening…!”
So now within 4 months, I had moved to a different state, got pregnant and completely changed careers. I was an emotional Rollercoaster trying to figure out this new life I had (plus pregnancy emotions didn’t help)
Surprisingly one of the hardest transitions for me was leaving my career. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in my Dallas career. Now I was working part time with Kyle doing something completely different, and trying to dip my toe into real estate investing. I enjoyed the work I was doing and saw the potential in it but it wasn’t my identity. I wanted to be a successful buyer at a retail chain, I could visually see myself in that role, it was what I had been working towards for years. I remember crying one day to kyle about not knowing who I was anymore and he said something I didn’t appreciate enough in the moment but looking back I think how profound it was. Kyle said “What you do for work or a career doesn’t and shouldnt define you, that’s not WHO you are… it’s what you do! Your core values are WHO you are. Your core values are your identity.” It took me awhile to realize what he meant and in some ways I’m still trying to figure it out but I often think back to that when I’m feeling a little lost. I can honestly say I’m in a really great season of life now and changing my mindset to focus on my values is how I got here.
My top tips for adjusting into any big life changes are:
1. Lean on those that truly love you. Your spouse, partner, best friend, God . Let them be your rock when your struggling.
2. Have real expectations of what to expect from it all. Expect it to be hard at times and know it’s ok you’ll pull through.
3. Surround yourself with the things that comfort you. Cook the foods that remind you of your childhood, curl up on the couch with your knitted blanket to watch your favorite movies, Pray or do whatever you find comfort in.
4. Get involved in your new situation or new community. It’s amazing the support and groups you can seek out with a simple google or Facebook search. I found my first local mom friend by joining my local mom Facebook group. Put your self out there, making friends and the most of your new situation takes effort. A new coworker asks if you want to go to lunch? SAY YES!
5. It’s ok to call mom and vent/cry it out. Or your best friend, husband, whoever loves you the most. *see tip 1*